Director: Liza Johnson Screenwriter: Tom Stern, Kaz Cast: Carolyn Lawrence, Tom Kenny, Clancy Brown, Bill Fagerbakke, Mr. Lawrence, Rodger Bumpass, Ilia Isorelýs, Paulino Matty Cardarople, Wanda Sykes Distributor: Netflix Running Time: 82 min. MPAA: PG

SpongeBob SquarePants has been around for so long that there was bound to be some reinventing of the wheel. There are plenty of spin-offs of varying quality, ranging from a Patrick Star show to a youthful prequel series. The Sandy Cheeks Movie may be the worst for how distant it feels from the core of what made SpongeBob great. The sly and wild slapstick silliness has been replaced with a blandness as flavorless as the most forgettable Nickelodeon sitcom.

As with most SpongeBob movies, the underwater city of Bikini Bottom is once again threatened. This time, the town has been plucked by the ocean floor by the villainous Sue Nahmee (Wanda Sykes), a dopey egotist whose intentions are as cartoonishly tiresome as her exaggeratedly highlighted hair. The only remaining underwater residents that can save Bikini Bottom are the sassy Texas squirrel Sandy Cheeks (Carolyn Lawrence) and the loveable goof SpongeBob (Tom Kenny). A road trip is on for the fate of the underwater town and prevent them from being cloned into merchandise.

It’s odd how the film wants to pose Sandy as the hero of this story. She’s smart enough to concoct plans that would save the day but isn’t given challenging hurdles. Sue Nahmee isn’t much of challenge for Sandy’s science, especially with Sue’s inept sidekicks played tiredly by Matty Cardarople and Ilia Isorelýs Paulino. She runs across her Texas family of circus-performing who would rather she follow in the family business, but even that doesn’t seem like much drama for this timid assembly of ho-hum gags. Even the perils of patriarchy are presented in the most limp way possible. Sandy practically steps over that challenge like a pebble on the sidewalk, presenting a demeaning film that can’t figure out how to make Sandy compelling beyond a softened cartoon approach.

While the previous SpongeBob films had some level of cleverness in mixing mediums and absurd humor, there’s none of that playfulness in Saving Bikini Bottom. Considering how many of the past films have involved saving the town from doom, there’s too much a routine to this picture. The adventure is dull and holds more commonalities with an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. Even the special effects are a drag, where Sue’s uncanny valley cyborg body makes this film look more like a cheap SpongeBob knock-off. It’s embarrassing to watch at times, especially with the talents of Clancy Brown, Bill Fagerbakke, and Mr. Lawrence completely wasted, lacking a single funny line in the little screen time they have.

Saving Bikini Bottoms doesn’t work as a Sandy Cheeks movie, a SpongeBob movie, or a movie in general. It’s remarkable how the plot involves the characters fearing they’ll be mass-marketed by an evil corporation for market gain. That’s a dangerous thematic element to toy with in a film that feels like a watered-down shell of its former self. Even if your expectations for SpongeBob SquarePants movie are as deep as the darkest oceans, you’ll have to dig deeper to find any charm in this joyless jaunt through trotting out the SpongeBob gang for a thrill-less adventure.

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