The Melania documentary debuting in theaters this weekend looks like a disaster for those who don’t reside in the conservative bubble of Trump-world whimsy. The movie was not screened for critics, box office tracking is abysmal, and the trickle of reviews has revealed an early contender for the worst film of 2026. With a wide release in thousands of theaters, sales so poor that the film is being dropped from some theaters, and a streaming date likely in less than a month, everything about Melania makes it seem like a terrible movie that shouldn’t have been distributed to cinemas, let alone made. But Melania was not made to be a critical darling, accolade winner, or audience pleaser. It’s not a movie; it’s a bargaining chip.

After enough conservatives patted Melania Trump on the head for her 2024 memoir, in which every sycophant said she was a very good person and gave her a gold star sticker, the First Lady decided to make a documentary about her life. Making that film a reality was less about finding the right studio and filmmaker for the job.

Amazon MGM Studio did not pay a ridiculous amount of money for the rights to the documentary because it would be a big earner. Amazon needs to get on Trump’s good side so it can keep making more money, and tossing a mere $40 million at this production and $35 million for marketing is a relatively cheap way to earn brownie points. Director Brett Ratner wasn’t chosen because he’s an exceptional documentarian who makes compelling films. Ratner sexually assaulted and harassed multiple women, becoming such a disgrace that he’s hoping sucking up to Trump will allow him to make Rush Hour 4. Ratner needs that political association to salvage his career, unlike the many crew members who wanted their names removed from this movie. And on the off chance that Ratner decided to be critical, Melania herself would take part in everything from editing to color correction. I like to imagine that Melania chose that last duty because she was so terrified that her husband’s scenes were given the wrong hue of orange.

Everything about this film was to placate Donald Trump and Melania Trump, appealing to their egos with as much honesty as handing over an award they never earned. The Melania movie was never going to be a box office smash, even if this woman were not associated with the most vile President in American history. Documentaries are guaranteed to be a box office bomb if you’re spending more than $10 million. For reference, the top-performing documentary of last year was Becoming Led Zeppelin, which grossed $16 million. So spending a collected $75 million on a documentary is just an idiotic move. It only makes sense to blow millions of dollars on a film that is never going to turn a profit if you’re THAT passionate about the subject. Or, you know, you just want to bribe your subject to give you more business incentives.

This “movie” premiered not at a film festival or in a movie theater, with press and critics in attendance, ripe for coverage. Melania would have her White House debut with the richest guests in attendance, including Apple CEO Tim Cook and Zoom CEO Eric Yuan. The screening would’ve been held in the White House’s in-house theater, but since that no longer exists after Trump’s demolition of the East Wing, a theater was hastily assembled for this event. That venue for the premiere feels very fitting, given that Trump’s world doesn’t have a theater present or welcoming and instead has to invent one to make Melania’s movie seem more like a theatrical debut than just a gathering of rich dorks congratulating themselves on an expensive home movie.

No, I have not watched Melania, but neither have thousands who can’t help but voice their two cents for an unappealing documentary, a genre that already wasn’t very popular to begin with. Your initial reaction to the many advertisements that graced your television and bus stops was probably, “Who would want to watch that?” You’ve probably said the same thing with any number of adverts, and the short answer is usually that the movie was made for easy money. Melania was also made for money, but not THAT money. Amazon and Ratner are not going to make a profit in real money, but they will make millions in Trump World Fun Dollars that can be exchanged for labor violations being overlooked and unwarranted movie sequels being backed.