Based on the cartoon made to sell toys, Masters of the Universe surprisingly packs far more on its plate than just more Mattel merchandise to push. There’s a knowing quality to how this film adaptation laughs at the absurdity of characters like Fisto, Ram Man, and Mekaneck. There’s also a chance to explore further what such a hero and his framing say about masculinity, coupled with a gay subtext that winks harder than before. And while there’s some fun in a cartoon-come-to-life that can laugh at itself, it tries a little too hard for that humor in a manner that makes one wish this kids’ cartoon would grow up a little.

I write this as someone who grew up with the cartoon, remembering it fondly as the first cartoon that taught me how to convince my parents to buy the toys. I knew of He-Man as the all-powerful warrior, wielding a sword that grants him muscles, strength, and, apparently, amnesia, as few could recognize his true identity as Prince Adam. This film’s Prince Adam, played by the blond and buff Nicholas Galitzine, is portrayed more as the underdog who has to prove himself. His youth saw him struggle to live up to his father’s expectations, and an attack on their kingdom led to his growing up on Earth. Instead of learning the ways of the sword, he adopts the techniques of human resources, even though he REALLY wants that sword. His sword obsession is so consuming that it’s surprising nobody jokes about the phallic nature or the dorky association with such collecting. Trust me, this type of film is not above such gags.

Eventually, Adam returns to Eternia to find it is in desperate need of his help. The evil Skeletor, cackling and parading around as a CG skull-face voiced by Jared Leto, has taken over Eternia and seeks the legendary Sword of Power to become a god. Defeating this bad guy, who can’t wait to boast about how classically evil he is, will require Adam to get some help from old friends he hasn’t seen since childhood. Some of them he recognizes by name, as with the washed-up warrior Duncan (Idris Elba) and his more accomplished daughter Teela (Camila Mendes). Some of them he’s given simplistic names like Ram Man (Jon Xue Zhang) and Fisto (Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson), notable for their most combative body parts. It’ll take more than Adam’s HR skills to defeat Skeletor, but he won’t drop that level of empathy once the sword transforms him into a muscular, pantsless hero that can punch heads and rip off arms.

There are a few too many dollops of dumb in this goofy-looking picture. You don’t need to try too hard for jokes with a talking green tiger, a Sorceress (Morena Baccarin) who can turn into a bird, and such ridiculous monster foes as Beast Man (Gary Martin) and Trap Jaw (Sam C. Wilson). But rather than letting these absurd elements work their strange magic in earnest, an extra spell of comedic banter is placed on this script, just in case you don’t get the joke you can make with Fisto’s name. Director Travis Knight approaches most scenes with unease about going too long without someone saying something funny, making a comical comment, or delivering a silly sight gag. While there are some funny moments here and there, the many swings have a few misses that reek more of desperation than clever ribbing.

As with many remakes of lackluster adaptations, Masters of the Universe is framed as the ideal movie every 1980s kid wanted, rather than the cheap, laughably bad movie they ended up with in 1987. More characters are present and look accurate to the cartoon and toys, embracing all their absurdities and weaponry. Eternia has the look and feel of a fantasy land, with iconic locations of Castle Greyskull and Snake Mountain that are instantly recognizable. There are heaps of action sequences, all driven by 80s-style epic rock music that matches the likes of the more bombastic Flash Gordon movie. With so much of this fan-friendly vibe, it’s odd that the film keeps mocking itself to an absurd degree. This atmosphere creates an uneven tone in which the film will toy with its many ridiculous characters but reduce many, like Skeletor’s Evil-Lyn (Alison Brie) and Adam’s mother, Queen Marlena Glenn (Charlotte Riley), to roles so routine that it feels as though they’re in another movie entirely.

There is potential for so much more here, but the themes become jumbled as they pepper the dialogue between scenes of exploding ships and sword-and-blaster fight scenes. Adam’s masculinity is called into question throughout, and while he ultimately proves himself worthy of the power of Greyskull through his empathy, the film rarely makes a strong connection between the two, often treating Adam’s HR skills more like a punchline than a purpose. The elements are all there: Adam’s harsh father, King Randor (James Purefoy), wants a manly son, and the battle-focused Man-at-Arms stumbles into becoming a drunk as he is unable to process feelings and failure. The original He-Man cartoon, for better or worse, would try to illustrate important themes through the narrative and hammer those ideas home with a closing Public Service Announcement. This movie also features a PSA, but it never shuts up with self-mocking humor, trying to get the audience to laugh at the recollection of PSAs in general. So any message it gleans becomes a generic coating of “bravery” and “the power within.” The film can never settle on what it wants to say about masculinity beyond its broad strokes of insecurities and proving yourself through the protection of others.

But what is most frustrating about this movie is the gay subtext that keeps rumbling to the surface, but maddeningly never breaks through. Again, this was a component of the He-Man cartoon, considering it became big with the gay community beyond the fact that it involves a buff hero with no shirt or pants fighting a buff villain with no shirt or pants. Adam’s story becomes even more overtly gay in its progression, as the underdog hero struggles to be normal on Earth and assert himself on Eternia, always feeling held back in his true identity when his culture has reshaped so much of him. But can’t we move on from this framing and progress from gay subtext to, you know, text? This wasn’t an issue for the updated She-Ra cartoon on Netflix, which embraced same-sex marriage and the lesbian romance between Adora and Catra. Why can’t this He-Man movie take the logical next step? This isn’t reaching considering all the suggestive dialogue with characters like Fisto (“You fist people!”), the phallic imagery of characters like Mekaneck, the aborted romance to stress that Adam and Teela are just friends, and the way that Skeletor comments on Adam’s “sword between his thighs” while strangling him.

While Masters of the Universe may placate fans with the familiar, it also frustrates with its refusal to move beyond its self-mockery and gay subtext. There are some genuinely fun moments here and there that acknowledge the stupidity of the naming conventions and the awkwardness of the hero-villain dynamic. But like a drunk middle-aged dad trying to impress his children with some jokes, the movie doesn’t know when to shut up. The self-deprecating humor can only go so far; I wished for less acknowledgment of all the toys I played with and for better development of Adam’s struggles with his overt masculinity and subtextual queerness. Sadly, the film just settles for more of its Saturday matinee mindlessness, teasing its older audience with the film they didn’t get when they were kids and the film they can’t have as more mature adults. The movie is best enjoyed by following the dialogue of the battle robot Roboto (Kristen Wiig), who remarks that life is a series of absurdities leading to infinite nothingness. Masters of the Universe is very much that, with the absurdities of both the silly fantasy and the idea that this Mattel property would outgrow its goofy appeal. The toy company had success in addressing femininity when bringing Barbie to the big screen, but He-Man still feels too insecure to say anything about masculinity and being gay, beyond snickering at the suggestions.

Not available on any streaming platforms.

Source: